Sunday june 4, 2006

Hou Hai,
originally uploaded by Jack Raif.

Summer is approaching very fast and in the landscape beautiful white long legs emerge. They activate my sex so frequently I think I only think about it 24/7... I hope to see more of it.

The subway station in Beijing has 2 new carts, it seems they are upgrading their carts, one by one. I'm waiting, though, for the new subway lines to open up... I hope I'm still here when they do.

Probably the subterranean poets will be performing on Rain Bar this 24 of June, I'm looking foward to it, there is nothing more beautiful than seeing Hou Hai at night, hold a beer and talk with some friends (specially after performing). I hope you enjoy the poem I read at the Bookworm this week and if you are in Beijing come visit us, 8:30 p.m. every wednesday...

Loneliness

Loneliness comes in many forms:
a. Space
b. Heart
c. Both

Isn't it strange?
How loneliness traps us
In its mystic wrap,
It's not being without someone (loneliness of space)
The one that stirs up this uneasiness
a sort of decay
In which every passing day
Transforms us,
It's not the one that makes us kneel
Sobbing, crying, screaming,
Nobody hears,
Not that anyone would notice,
That's the problem with loneliness
The signs are within hidden,
You are a turbulence of emotions
A chaotic confusedness
That makes you feel giddy inside,
Lightheaded, dark,
Life has become an endless charade of hollow smiles,
And "I'm ok,
I'm just tired",

And our bodies mingles with the presence of others,
But what do they know? How much do they care?
Most important, do we really care?

And when we meet someone we might think could fill the gap,
We realize, we come to understand
That loneliness is not a problem of others,
But a problem of us,
It's not a problem of them not accepting us,
It's a problem of us not accepting them.
Is it our previous experiences that pushes,
Makes us reject present relations,
Or is it truly the fault of a world
that cannot understand...?

And when we meet someone who we might think could fill the gap,
And we get endeared with that one,
And our hearts don't want to forget,
But the one has suddenly left,
Some say is better to lost and love,
Than never to loved at all,
I say is better to not love at all,
Than suffering a case of acute loneliness of both,
Loneliness of space and heart,
Feel death when you are alive,
Pain when you are all right.

Jack Raif